Sentence of Sorts for Kongsvinger

10:27pm: Islands: June 2008

10:19pm: So here I am, fresh off work. I'm willing to go out and do something but I've realized that I honestly have no one to do anything with. Once again I'm allowing another night to waste away as I sit on my couch. Why is it that I don't have anyone to do anything with? My "school friends," I've realized, aren't really worthy of the term "friend" at all. Most of the time it honestly feels like they keep me around for convenience. I make them laugh; I share similar dislikes and a few (very few) interests; I'm in their classes. But when they all hang out outside of school, what am I doing? Just this. Do I get a call? A text? Anything? Of course not.

"We didn't know you were free," they say.
"We thought you didn't like movies."
"It wasn't planned; it just happened."

You know, I realize when it's an excuse, guys. Honestly I don't even know why I stick around if I just constantly get left behind. If I'm feeling unordinarily unhappy, instead of a caring "What's wrong?" I have become accustomed to hearing a "What's your deal?" Thanks.

I'm getting tired of spending every night by myself. I already had to battle my work day alone--why leave me to trek into the next carbon-copy day solo as well?

Sometimes I just wish I had someone. I need a fucking hug. :(

11:50pm: Your Face Never Forgets a Crime
Oh shits.

3:45pm: End.

1:51pm: PROJECT LOVE YOURSELF ALWAYS
CLICK HERE


Smile.

11:18pm: just to reiterate.
this' on my blogspot from a few days back.

"We Know About Your Sun and All Your Precious Rain"

I have thick, ugly legs.
I have a fat, round face.
I have big feet.
I have wide, unattractive shoulders.
I have an unattractive tummy.
I have a big, ugly nose.
I have flabby arms and flabby thighs.
I have hideous knees.
I have hair that is too thick, too flat, too straight.
I have skin that is too pale.
I have ugly teeth.

I'm too neurotic.
I'm too shy.
I'm too bold.
I'm too destroyed.
I'm too depressed.
I'm too loud.
I'm too oblivious.
I'm too unintellegent.
I'm too unmotivated.
I'm too disinterested.


I guess I realize it now.

11:25pm: I'm a freak! I'll never procreate!

4:03pm: d00d

10:50pm: I want to die.

9:23am: End of an Era
...FINALLY.

Finally, FINALLY I no longer have my annoying brick-of-a-Sidekick 3. The thing had just reached its limit when my parents decided to give me my birthday gift 5 days early--an iPhone. I'm satisfied with life. I'm even more satisfied because of the fact that I'm going to Colorado tonight and then I'm seeing of Montreal at the Ogden Theater in Denver tomorrow night.

Oh, HOLLER.

11:03pm: Today I had a therapy appointment at 9:00AM. I was done at 9:50. It's about 5 minutes from school at the very most, yet I didn't get to school until 11:50. I chose, instead, to drive around for 2 hours. I went to the golf course and wandered around and I went to Fred Meyer and bought tea.

I was thisclose to driving away. Like, away from everything. But I looked at my notebook, the one I started as my "therapy homework" (yeah, it's intense) and I realized I can't run away from what I'm fearing. Really, what am fearing? Rejection? I have no idea anymore. I have no idea about anything anymore.

</life>

12:12pm: Today, I feel empty.

I like my outfit. For some odd reason I feel that it is outstandingly wonderful, though I seem to resemble a hobo. I'm wearing my new black Vans skinny jeans with the ankles cuffed up and my new black Vans KVDs. I'm in my ATD-I shirt and James' sweatshirt. On my head and my horrible, horrible hair I have my Vans AV Era hat (to the side, of course).

I look like a fucking hobo.



The hat is red, but it looks like that. I look ridiculous.
I like my outfit, though. I'm comfortable in it.
I look and feel ridiculous.

12:40am: FUCK MY LIFE

6:04pm: ):
)'X
D':

8:54pm: :'/

1:51am: I cried today.
I never cry.

It was driven by my own thoughts and an improperly-placed road sign. Damnit, freeway. I hate you. Moreso, I hate my literacy. The impecable timing of the sign and my thoughts came together to form tears. Why am I so emo of late?

6:54pm: I won't ever be loved.
I won't ever be loved.
I won't ever be loved.

11:23pm: i's so upsetted

:(

9:46am: braaaaaaaains

12:24pm: Someone, "Kitty," left a really thoughtful comment on my DF blog.

Thank you, Kitty. Thank you for understanding and being really sweet.

Thanks.

6:15pm: If I was in the mood, I'd totally be vomiting up all my food right now.

4:02pm: "Nothing Came Out" - The Moldy Peaches
Abridged Version.


Just because I don't say anything
Doesn't mean I don't like you.
I open my mouth and I try and i try
But no words come out.

Without 40 ounces of social skills
I'm just an ass in the crack of humanity.
I'm just a huge manitee.
A huge manitee.

And besides you're probably holding hands
With some skinny, pretty girl that likes to
Talk about bands, and
All I wanna do is ride bikes with you
And stay up late and watch cartoons.

I tried to ask you to your face,
But no words came out.
I put on my hood and walked away.
That doosn't mean I don't like you.

And besides you're probably holding hands
With some skinny, pretty girl that likes to
Talk about bands, and
All I wanna do is ride bikes with you
And stay up late and maybe spoon.

Just becase I dont say anything
Doesn't mean I dont like you, no.
I opened my mouth and i tried and i tried.

And besides you're probably holding hands
With some skiny, pretty girl that likes to
Talk about bands and
All I wanna do is ride bikes with you
And stay up late and maybe spoon.


Okay, so it's not really that shortened. I just cut out a few lines here and there.

Also: wtfxup with Kimya Dawson and spooning? See: "Why do I always pretend I can spoon a guy and still be his friend?" (from "Everything's Alright").

12:04pm: Alright, alright. Yes, this is my second post on this-here LJ today. I know. Yeah. Okay.

After spending all of math class zoned out and thinking about shit, I feel icky on the inside and the outside. I shouldn't be allowed to think. It always ends up fucking sucking later because I either think about shitty stuff or I think too hard about something mundane and turn it into something shitty. Yeah. Well. I hate my liiiiiiiife.

Give me a hug.

8:21am: It's PJ day today at school because it's homecoming week. Friday (October 26) is the homecoming game and Saturday (October 27) is the homecoming dance. I'm not going to either because I'm working Friday 5:00-10:00PM and Ben and I are having a Seattle adventure all day on Saturday.

Maddie is being reeeeally pissy today and I'm not in the mood for it. Usually I can put up with her over-competetiveness but today I'm nost not in the mood.

Maddie: "Ugh! We have a history quiz today."
Me: "Shit, really? I was so busy this weekend I didn't open my backpack."
Maddie: "Don't talk to ME about being busy."

Shut the fuck up. I was just making a statement, I wasn't asking for your personal input on the situation, nor was I criticizing your penis size. Seriously. Give it a rest.

Sometimes people are shitty.

I feel icky today. On the inside, though. On the outside I'm feeling okay. I like wearing my pajamas. I like my PJ bottoms--I'm wearing my "Kimya-esque" bottoms (as I call them). They're the white ones with the little hearts and the animals dran all over them. I'm wearing my red Vans authentics and my blue wifebeater. It's aiight.

Ugh. I'm so pissed off right now, though.

11:16am: